Po-Po-Po-Portugal, In-In-Invade ‘m all

For two months now there is a certain doom present in Portugal. A war where both sides had called for international aid and where a positional trench warfare was created. Logistics, military aid, supplies, troops, ships… everything was brought in from everywhere to support the cause: to free Portugal... although each side has their own meaning of what freeing means. The imminent battle so far didn’t happen and both sides are looking at the other, waiting on a signal, and waiting on more reinforcements to come. However, these reinforcements never came as they were not finding their way to Portugal.

The so-called Axis of Evil launched a series of confidently misdirected campaigns across Europe. Instead of descending upon Portugal to fight ONE, the Aegis armies stormed into Poland, reportedly declaring victory over several startled wheat fields and never achieved taking control of the castle of Warsaw. Commanders insist the operation is on track, though maps recovered from the field appear to have been folded incorrectly, possibly upside down as the Aegis army is in Poland instead of in Portugal.

Before that, the French forces, equally committed to not reaching Portugal, were a few months ago in St-Pol-de-Léon, disturbing the quiet Breton fishing villages and asking: “C’est où ça ce Portugal?”. In the meantime the Breton forces have restored peace and order and kindly explained where one needs to fish for cod and sardines.

Reading on the last publications in Poitou, France might be considering an invasion of Poitou, which, while closer to Portugal, still falls short of the original objective by several hundred kilometers and it misses a basic sense of orientation.


Further east, Venetian forces advanced towards the Po river, seemingly mistaking it for a strategic gateway to Iberia. Soldiers were last seen building elaborate supply lines along the riverbanks and debating whether Po might, in fact, be short for Portugal.

The Ottoman contingent has taken perhaps the most scenic detour, embarking on what officials describe as a “cultural reconnaissance mission” in Pompei. Eyewitnesses report troops admiring ancient ruins, purchasing souvenirs, and besieging Siena. This habit of invading and occupying Imperial territory went cold turkey and suddenly a retreat was ordered. At the same moment a small party of crusaders appeared, which was a mere coincidence.

Lastly, we had the forest people BIL and the criminal organisation CO who tried to go towards Portugal to go fight ONE. However, they too mistook the pronunciation and went in the direction of Poligny. They were met with imperial troops who had sent them packing home.
To make matters even more confusing, the compass of the CO armies must still be broken as they are now on the way to Pontarlier. Their army, carrying the banner of Berry, is now in Dijon, probably enjoying a pot de moutarde de Dijon. One must tell them that Portugal is in the opposite direction.


Which Town Will Be Next?
With the real invasions unfolding, and with Portugal not receiving the reinforcements they have been hoping for, military strategists are looking for more ”Po” towns as potential objectives. Analysts are now tracking Polignac, Pontarlier, Port Lairge, Pontecorvo, Portogruaro, and Poitou as likely next stops. Whether any army will actually arrive remains a question, although the ”Po” branding seems to be the main criteria for selection.

New soldier melody: Po-Po-Po-Portugal, In-In-Invade ‘m all

For KAP International
Vlad the Writer

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