The King Arrives in a Divided Sussex

Every county has its internal rivalries and conflicts. Sussex however has seen issue after issue come to its shores. The County has been rife with political and social drama for months. There were four lists and that number eventually increased to include a fifth list, an unusual amount of lists in the English counties, which is also symbolic of the heights that division has reached in every level of politics within the county. (WoC) Wind of Change have certainly proven themselves to be a dominant new political party in the previous election as well as this election.

Sussex United (SA) (Castle, Daisydread, Helenn, made it onto council)

Warding off Criminals (WoC) (Eric, was the only person who made it onto council from his list)

The Ham Party (HAM) (Jacklionheart, was the only person who made it onto council from his list)

Sussex Pride (SP) (Desdemona_alarica, was the only person who made it onto council from her list)

Wind of Change (WOC) (Endimion_kingsman, Donnatela_kingsman, Garolin_kingsman, Dwight., Nazarick, Skade, made it onto council)

Rumors around the Royal Tour tell the tale of an eventful journey for His Royal Majesty the King and his retinue. So a tumultuous political and social atmosphere in their final leg of the tour of England should be relatively unremarkable for the King and his companions. It all began in Westmorland with the Captain of the Guard bravely impersonating the King, while the King dutifully attended to matters of, well, we aren’t quite sure. That is the million pound question isn’t it? What does the King do when he leaves the tavern and when he isn’t seeing to matters of Royal Court? He appears to be quite busy enough with his traditional duties, yet even in his spare time he rushes off to ‘important business’. His Royal Majesty the King keeps late hours as was made evident by an incident where Royal Marching bands were outlawed due to the King being woken up by a ruckus too early in the morning. What keeps his Royal Majesty awake and busy at night?

This Journalist endeavored to find out! I started my investigation based on a rumor that after the Royal Tour had been reveling in the taverns in Arundel, the Royal Guard had been stationed all night outside of a sheep pen, keeping everyone away from the pen. When I asked the Royal Secretary where the King had been, I was given the answer that the Royal Secretary “Declined to comment”. I then asked the Mayor of Arundel what might have been occurring and to comment on the quality of sheep from her town.

The Mayor of Arundel, Lady Aerietta Palidor Westbrooke Boot informs me that her sister, Lady Zulita Palidor Westrbrooke: “got the King rather drunk”, and the Mayor then stated, “so who knows what happened.”, additionally the Mayor pointed out that the King and his guard stayed behind an extra day while the rest of the tour moved on. Due to His Royal Majesty’s prolonged stay in addition to the mysterious activities around the sheep pen, one might infer that the sheep of Arundel are worthy of Majestic attentions!


I then went to the Captain of the Royal Guard for comment. While overseeing the activities of his guard the Captain had this to say:

"Despite rumours to the contrary, I will state for the record that no sheep have been recruited into the Royal Guard, and certainly not on the orders of His Majest…. STOP THAT NOW YEOMAN WOOLLY MCFLEECEY THAT IS NOT FOR EATING!!… on the orders of His Majesty the King. I will not make any further comments on the matter." - Sir Andreas P Sharpe , Captain of the Royal Guard.


It seemed one of his “fresh recruits” decided that his uniform was rather tasty looking and ill fitted for wearing. Despite the Captain's insistence a local noble, Lord Matrim Matr R. Rondoval had this to say:

“Yes I sold my finest sheep to the Guard, I'm not sure what they wanted with it. But I did hear rumors about His Majesty the King holding sheep in high regard. We treat our sheep like family here in Sussex, but in preparation of the King's visit we made sure they had a little extra grooming to catch his Royal Majesty’s eye.”

Lord Matrim went on to describe his previous experience selling livestock to Royalty. He seemed quite proud to have sold, not only this sheep but many years ago, he traded goats to a previous king, His Majesty Cullan the First.

I was fortunate enough to be graced with a response for request to comment by His Royal Majesty King Richard Rex himself, who said:

“Sheep need to be bred, led, and fed. They will always have a shepherd in Richard Dorchester.”

The only thing which we cannot glean from this is that His Royal Majesty the King of England does not have an affinity for sheep. We could speculate that perhaps the King enjoys counting sheep before he rests for the night, but then he wouldn’t need to spend the whole night in the pasture. We can only conclude that he has a healthy respect for the quality of sheep bred, raised and sheltered, as the good noble Matrim put it; "like family". Long live the King, and long live the majestic sheep of England!

By Mortyn for the KAP.